I had a moment the other night while I was taking off a pair of wet leggings (I had water splashed on me). My brain hiccuped and tumbled backwards into the realm of under-developmental cognitive ability. I switched off for a moment or two while the little people in my head desperately tried to reboot the system, but apparently they fucked up and left me in Under-Developed Land.
I tried to continue on with what I was doing, but I forgot how to take off clothes. There was a weird, yet completely plausible, logic in my head that allowed me to believe that it was possible to remove the leggings by pulling them up over my head or out through my arms. And so I tried.
I looked like a derp-machine.
The only other person in the room was my cat. And if she could talk the conversation might have gone like this:
Cat: what the hell are you doing?
Cat: by giving yourself a wedgie *deadpan cat condescending-face*
Me: this usually works, I don’t get why it isn’t now.
Cat: *watches me struggle* you’re going to rip them.
Me: pssh…no I’m not.
Cat: *very matter of fact* you ripped them.
Me: *looks bewildered*
Cat: *rolls eyes and saunters off*
Eventually my brain managed another system reboot and all went back to normal. I was mildly embarrassed, but since my cat couldn’t talk and relay the escapade to the roommates I was golden.
On a related note, in regards to brain function, I am sitting here at work, at my desk, at this very moment trying to concentrate. My mind will not sit still. She is misbehaving. Again. She is firing every single neuron in random chaotic patterns, like a symphonic explosion of glitter. And when that mental image fades, my head starts to bubble like Alka-Seltzer in a glass of water. I close my eyes to reclaim some sense of peace, BUT NO, there is a multicolored light show of images fast forwarding behind my eyelids.
Imagine this on repeat (sans music)
Ain’t that the truth. I am at the mercy of neurotic brainwaves.