Secrets

For some background, I wrote this poem as an emotional response to the relationship abuse I’d endured for several years of my life. During those many hard and trying years, I felt trapped and I sincerely thought that I would never escape. But fortune favored me and with the help of friends and family I was able to leave those dangerous situations. And now I present to you….Secrets.

secrets

I am the fire built within
I am your rage beneath the skin
Every breath I heave
Is a song you sing in silence.
I am unknown to strange minds
I am a voice inside your own
The same desperate message
Driving on relentlessly
Until it resonates as the truth

I’ll burn the boundaries of your world
Reality is but obscurity
To which consequences fall asunder.
You exist within the inner landscapes
Entangled in my rage, my frustration and desire.
I desire to escape
Yet you question
You are the cage and I the inferno.

I want to tear your skin apart
Cut a split in your cocoon
And burn it; together
We shall harness the bomb on our fingertips
To bring down the past; together
We bare our teeth in defiance
Howling for the great darkness within
And wonder if the gods dare to listen

You want my fire to consume their hands
Even the score, erase the past…

Our secret is no longer.
.
.
.
© Siobhan Marie Hurd 2010

 

My Predetermined Suicide

“A pill to make you numb, a pill to make you dumb…
A pill to make you anybody else…
But all the drugs in this world won’t save her from herself…”

I was flipping through my burn book this afternoon with my boyfriend. I’ve never come that close to sharing the contents of this book with anyone. No one has ever read my black book before. You here on the internet are the only ones I have shared anything with in regards to that. However, in the interest of trust in the relationship between boyfriend and I, I want to show him the entire journal. But its so hard! In the past I considered burning the damn things, hence the title burn book. But, I can’t. Its like one of my horcruxes. It’s a part of me and if I destroy it I’ll be destroying what has come to define me, my past and my madness.

So in short, I haven’t shown boyfriend everything of the book’s entirety just yet, that’s something I’m not ready to do at this point in time. Even though I want to, the thought makes me panic because there is that air of uncertainty. What is he going to think? Will it help him understand me or will I just make him sad? I don’t want to make him sad or upset.

I found another poem in the burn book that I wrote back in July of 2005. It may sound completely cheesy now, but at the time it expressed my concrete desire to kill myself, but it also radiated that sense of apprehension. However, at the time I sincerely believed that I would die by suicide, that was how the light was going to go out. I thought it was fate. Enjoy the poem and thank you for reading everyone.

burnbookpoem1

Do you like my demon dragon?